Guess What I am Doing

I ordered new jeans....I am not comfortable discussing the reason WHY I ordered new jeans, but let's just say that if muffin tops were in style this season that I would be the ultimate in high fashion. Regardless, I ordered new jeans.........and had them shipped........we won't discuss WHY I had them shipped (Skinny ass little girl at the store who needs a sandwich could tell ya.......extended sizes.....WHATEVER, beanpole). ANYHOO.....the jeans were shipped...........to an address in Middletown. Please don't question why they are sitting on a random doorstep in a town 12 minutes away because I really don't have a good answer for that. All I know is that I am leaving my cozy house on a cool windy day (wearing shorts for reasons I, again, would rather not discuss.....I mean, who GAINS weight over the summer anyway??) to go on a stealth mission to steal what is rightfully mine off a complete stranger's doorstep in a neighboring community........stay tuned.